This weekend I visited a few friends in D.C who were graduating from medical school. Since we are all wrapped up in our careers, we’ve used Facebook, e-mails, and sporadic text messages to keep tabs on each other, and note any major life events.
I was quite surprised when one of these friends asked me about the blog. Mostly because I figured this blog was mostly for me, and not many people outside of the comments actually read it. The main questions were where did it go, and why did I stop posting. I mumbled some sort of response to her, blaming lack of time and work, etc. etc. etc., but it gave me much to think about on the plane ride home.
Although I have been (somewhat) keeping up with the calories on @HealthyFatChick instagram, it is safe to say I let go of my blogging duties when I began to see less results and the holidays/work/excuses took over. As I searched for other efforts for quick results, I let myself lose sight of my “why”– why I began this journey, this page, this blog.
The problem with being public about my journey is that everyone has an opinion. It is highly possible I let the opinions of others thwart my efforts. I jumped onto the scene blindly and naive, foolishly thinking I was ready for whatever criticism and unsolicited advice came my way and was determined to prove any naysayer wrong.
It is something that happens often, as I question why I might lose relationships,friendships, people may change-and instead of outright asking someone why this change has occured, I change. I assume responsibility for lack of communication or effort, and in short, try too hard to make something out of what is no longer salvageable. So I let snarky comments about the blog, my weightloss efforts, my relentless social media posting, myself, my relationships- change my patterns and behaviors. And yet not once do I ever expect anyone to change their personality, style, or relationship because of my silly ol’ opinion. Not once has any effort I’ve made to change someone’s perspective on myself made a difference. Once someone makes up their mind about you, there is little you can do to change their opinion.
And that’s where I lost the battle. It should have never been about everyone’s opinion. It was about helping others in a similar situation and providing stories, recipes, and perhaps even perspective. It’s high time to get back to it. I knew that losing weight would entail some deep soul searching, but the burden and emotional weight I carried was more that any amount of fat on my body. And it’s time to let that weight go.
The plus side? I have been able to maintain my initial 40 lbs. weight loss. Still Plus Size, but that just means, there’s work left to be done. Work I have quietly been putting in, modestly.Finding what works for me, and what brings me joy. Not killing myself or denying any treats-but let’s be real, maybe I’ve been a little too lenient and that’s why despite putting in workouts, the scale is moving slower than desired. But these are aren’t difficult changes to make, they are disciplined changes I have to make if I ever want to move beyond the “Whatever Happened to Healthy Fat Chick?” question. Thanks to Vixen Workout, Orange Theory, and Shakeology- I have found my own fitness programs that work for me, and I know when I stop with the foodie excuses, change will come and fast.
This year I did my 10th half marathon. I am constantly looking for another finish line…but in reality, the finish line I long for the most is the one I’ve been chasing my whole life: to be under 200 lbs!
We should all be our own favorite project. Always willing to grow, inspire, change, renew. And never letting anyone,anything, any words or comments, stand in your way.
The Plus Side to Plus Size is that I am always a work in progress. The journey is never over. And that is never a bad thing. 🙂
What has been your biggest weight loss challenge? Share your story in the comments below!